Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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