do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
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She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
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Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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