News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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