If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
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She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
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He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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