And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
We had to coat check the pizza.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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