True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
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You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
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How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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