matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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