But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
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I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
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