Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize