I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize