I heard we made out
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
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Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
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I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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