I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize