I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
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He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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