never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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