I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'm determined to sit on that face.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize