ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
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hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
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Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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