I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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