Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
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My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
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The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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