Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize