i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
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He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
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It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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