It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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