meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
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These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
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