i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
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I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
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If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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