i already hear my dad disowning me
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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