She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
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New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
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Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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