Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this hospital has no fireball
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize