I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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