so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
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