My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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