and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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