the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize