I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize