where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Randomize