why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
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I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
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God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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