I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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