The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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