soooo we both peed the bed last night...
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
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eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
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That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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