She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
So. Much. Porn.
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