hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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