I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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