you traded sex for a burrito?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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