i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
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Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
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I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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