Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
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