Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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