I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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