i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
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Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
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Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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