But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize