your room smells of hookers.
And success
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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