if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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