1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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